the rain rain rain

it has been raining so much the last few days

that i have been staying in and working on things and making things...

got my old sewing machine working and fixed some dresses.

also,

i have been playing around with some plastic cameras and

took some pictures of my cat and dog being bored and stuck inside.

the backyard turns into a lake and the street in the front

turns into a dirty, brown river. cars were underwater down the street and people had to leave their apartments....

and

a tornado hit sunset beach yesterday! it picked up some boats and a

van and threw them back down...

i suppose going for a stroll down the pier will have to

wait another day.

it's closed off.

to other places

today they say i am a magnet.

but i am

still thinking about planning my escape.

i would like to visit the el ateneo...

the bookstores to end all bookstores.

sit in a theater box and look at books in spanish.

thinking about snow and snow storms and 

skiing in new powder and fireplaces

and being snowed in with friends.

i don't smoke anymore...

but my personality still does.

thinking about escaping

i think about escaping to far away lands.

every spare moment.

while driving.

while working on things.

while day dreaming.

even while thinking about escaping.

nino rota and cough syrup

today i am sick. 

i have actually been sick for 

about a week.

it started when i was in san francisco.

i refused to let it have a hold on me.

i still refuse to let it take over.

mind over matter.

but my voice is spilling the secret.

i did go to the doctor and he gave me some

codeine cough  syrup.

also some anti-biotics.

so i listen to nino rota's

il casanova...

and then go see the fantastic mr. fox!

which all seems to already make it better...

the grackles

i've been working on my annual rare bird costume...

this year's theme is a disheveled grackle.

in the wash room...

part bird - part snowy coldness...

looking out on things...

and modern typing...

the never ending project

days of being a luggage organizer...

then delays and cancelations at various airports.

flying in over palm trees, waterways, little bridges.

then a break with a street taco.

then back to the never ending job of...

sorting through and packing boxes.

unpacking and sorting through stuff.

yard sales and finding new homes for things.

the other house up north is finally on the market.

now waiting and tapping my fingers.

half of me is up there and half down here.

iv'e been living out of suitcases for more than six months now.

when this is done - there are many places i daydream about and

would like to travel too...

one is 

peace of mind.

travel too and 

the willard village

these are some images of the willard state hospital.

willard grew into a sizeable village,

relying heavily on unpaid patient labor to sustain its operation.

the patients that worked in the farm, 

bakery and kitchens provided most of the food for the inmates and staff.

it's industrial shops produced clothing, shoes, even the pine caskets used to bury patients in the hospital's cemetery.

the hospital's original purpose as a bucolic rural retreat

was lost in the grim realities of the institutional life.

in the mid 1950's, they started using newly developed 

antipsychotic drugs to control patients crammed

into ever-tighter living quarters.

more than 50,000 patients were admitted to willard 

during its 126-year history,

and nearly half of those died there.

some of those grave markers are just a number.

most of them are un-marked.

as is's at the flea market

a day at the flea market.

i walked around for about four and a half hours searching for things that were slightly damaged and needed a home.

findings i found...

1. an old brown german wind up rabbit eating a blade of grass.

2. a small black microscope.

3. a pair of black no. 9 french military skibbies.

4. a piles of old photographs including one of a family having a picnic by a lake on a small pier, a couple playing the apple on the neck game, two dogs [ one wearing a tutu ] sitting up doing a trick on a table, some white baby bunnies on a table with a man in a bowler hat, and others...

5. a bell jar.

6. a taupe colored utilitarian type dress in almost perfect condition [ i was holding it up to me and an older woman who was walking by, with an eastern european accent or possibly russian, told me i would look beautiful in it...so i believed her.]

i took a break and had a hot dog lunch with extra onions on top. as i leaned on the pillar- next to me were the two kids from 'mystery train' [well' they were similar]... having a hot dog lunch too. they had chili on top of theirs. they were standing next to their old suit case finds and looked as though they were really waiting for the train.

...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJNDcMfSQ4Q

...

i managed to spend no more than forty dollars and although everything was sold to me as is...i really found some wonderful treasures.

i want to trade my car

and my life in -

for this one...

for many years i drove my father's old 1982 mercedes coupe - then the transmission died. my mom and i decided to donate it to charity. but i still miss it and felt like i belonged in it's drivers seat.

then a few years ago i got a 1967 ford galaxie. which was my second.

now it is sitting in my dirt driveway.

it is time to say goodbye to the galaxie 500.

and now?

i will search and search for this 1971 mercedes benz coupe.

it is also a constant reminder that i am searching for myself.

a bog and some cold marble

above is a bog or part of the river- 

the picture was taken from one of the lower level windows of a mausoleum just outside of portland that was built in the 1930's and still has most of it's original art deco touches.

even the view is of a long time ago.

there is a roller rink over there next to the desolate amusement park. it was really cold in there- and the farther down below we went, the colder it got. my feet felt almost frozen.

 it was really quiet also- except for the faint birds singing outside the windows.

sea balloons

i have been watching the 1960's science fiction television series... the prisoner - 

it is about a former british secret agent who is held captive in a small village by the sea.

he is called 'number six' by his captors.

[take a look - and pay special attention to the giant balloon]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TfdA9fWb_g

i have had nightmares and become a bit obsessed with this balloon that rises to the surface from the bottom of the sea.

it finds you and follows you and then suffocates your face.

then you are taken to the village hospital for some more brainwashing and interrogation.

whenever i am casually flipping through a magazine and happen to see this ad... i wake up in a completely different place- wondering what just happened.

curbside tastee

this is the tastee freeze in long beach.

it has been there since i was in grade school and still looks exactly the same these days. sometimes my mom would take my brother and i here after school. she would pull up along side the curb and we would jump out and order. i usually got a mr. pibb- and my brother would get a soft serve ice cream dipped in chocolate.

hoff's hut is still there in that general area-

and umberto's suits and tailor - but the broadway department store is long gone.

the perfect breakfast

it's always nice going into a place that still has the old wood booths. if i ever find this place - i will order:

two eggs sunny side up and a side of tomatoes.

some burnt toast - dry,

and a cup of coffee - black.

taco loco and kfc

if you drive down the coast on pch -

there is a nice taco spot in laguna beach called taco loco.

they have good potato tacos and salsa along with fish tacos and lobster tacos.

jessica, gruff gruff and angus enjoyed some lobster tacos and chips with salsa out in the sun by the sea.

across the street is an older style kfc.

i especially like the two heads and the foam c coming apart off the wall.

this is another old kfc.

i didn't take this image though.

the shadow

'we spend most of our time and energy in a kind of horizontal thinking. we move along the surface of things... but there are times when we stop. we sit still. we lose ourselves in a pile of leaves or its memory. we listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper.'

sometimes when i'm walking about in strange places -

down streets in towns i am not so familiar with -

i sort of feel like the woman in this image.

'we cloak ourselves in cold indifference to the unnecessary suffering of others - even when we cause it.'

[quotes - jim carroll ]